Visiting a person with short-term memory loss
Sadly, people with dementia often suffer alone. Even though we want to stay connected—having the conversations we used to have—it’s hard. Frequently, the reason is short-term memory loss. Of those with Alzheimer’s disease, 90 percent experience short-term memory loss. Many who have other forms of dementia experience it too. It means a person can’t remember the recent past, even words spoken just minutes earlier. So how can you still have a meaningful visit?
Give the gift of presence
In many cases, just being there is a gift. Even if you don’t have a conversation, your half-hour presence is enough. Enter the room, identify yourself, and explain that you stopped because you wanted her to know you were thinking about her. Bring a card to leave as a reminder of your visit.
Come with a plan
Simply coming to listen to the story your friend or family member tells over and over again is a plan. She repeats the story because her short-term memory loss blocks her ability to know she’s doing it. Telling her she just told you that story might lead to a confrontation. She might think you are making fun of her. However, when you give her your undivided attention, without trying to correct her, it will likely mean a lot to her. You are listening to her! Many of her friends aren’t giving her that kind of attention.
Bring something familiar such as a scrapbook with family pictures. Talk about the events and share your memories. Bags of corn or soybeans might bring back recollections for a farmer; garden seeds can trigger recall for a gardener. Bring an object and talk about your common experiences. Tell your aunt how you so enjoyed her mashed potatoes as you place her old masher into her hands.
Plan to talk about shared experiences—the trip you took together or the time you both laughed so hard you couldn’t stop. If she suddenly finishes the story for you, let her do it and enjoy the moment.
Sing and pray. For our Christian friends, singing the verses of Jesus Loves Me, This I Know might lead them to join you in singing, “Yes, Jesus loves me” as the chorus repeats. Many with advanced memory loss will join in the words of the Lord’s Prayer. Try it, speaking slowly and gently.
Savor the moments
There will be times you know you connected. Maybe it was words. Maybe it was only a look of peace that wasn’t there when you arrived. When it happens, remember what worked. What connected today will likely connect the next time you visit. Savor the gift you are giving. You are showing Jesus’ love by showing that you care. You are remembering “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40). It’s what Jesus asks us to do to show our thanks to him for his love for us.
*This post originally appeared in “His Hands,” a newsletter published by WELS Special Ministries.
Pastor Curt Seefeldt authored the booklet, “It’s Alzheimer’s – It’s Time for Extraordinary Love.” Order your free copy. Pastor Seefeldt also offers workshops providing emotional and spiritual care for people affected by dementia. Contact him at cseefeldt@tlha.org.